The Pause

It has been almost 11 months since I last posted.
That's a long pause.
I have missed being here.
I have missed this connection.

Perspective.
I have gained a lot of that in this lengthy pause.
I have also gained faith, assurance, true friendship, love, strong bonds, an immeasurable loss, breathtaking shock, and sadness.
A lot of sadness.
A lot of joy.

This is a picture of my only brother Steve.
My parents, my sisters and I lost him in April 2016. Just two weeks after my last post.
I had no idea.
No idea that it would happen or how it would change my life.

There is a lot to be said for great loss. I think there is even more to be said for a traumatic great loss that had no warning. When my maternal grandmother passed away in the early 90's, I had warning. I had time to say goodbye, time to prepare. I also had the experience of being with her for the last breath. That was a beautiful experience though still saddening.
This time, there was no preparation, no warning or thought about it.
It just happened one night.

Here is what I have come away with up to today - tomorrow may bring something entirely different:
grief is individual
grief is not to be accomplished but journeyed
he was a good man
he loved deeply and was loved deeply
more was learned about him after than I knew about him during
God is faithful, loving and merciful
heaven is real
friends are human
my loss is also about what I had hoped for
it is okay to be outside the box, my God is not bound by the box
I am a changed person in so many ways by my grief, in response to my grief, and it is good

Hug your loved ones a little closer today.
Be well.