I hope that it holds good things for you.
I am sort of at a loss for writing today but felt "the nudge" to just get on with it. I know enough to follow that nudge when it comes. As you read previously, I waited eleven months to write my last post and now it has been almost FIVE more months to this one. I wish I could say I have been in a cocoon and have emerged as a stunning butterfly. . . but as it happens, I'm still a strung-out full time working momma who is currently in yoga pants, a tank top with messy hair and appears to have no eyelashes and only 3/4 of eyebrows. Wait. Not really, I just didn't put on mascara or brow pencil. Yay for thyroid sickness and running late this morning! (sarcasm inserted)
So, what have the last FIVE months held? Well, my sweet little girl started first grade. My life has changed in ways I never could have planned for. Those of you with more than one kid can giggle and shake your head at me all you want, I am sure it is levels more crazy for you with multiples. My situation is unique for reasons I will spare you, and I will own that I don't have perfect balance anywhere in my life at this point. Some things have come into focus for me in amazing ways and so I'll share FIVE of those with you in honor of my months' delay in posting.
Numero 1. Belief and faith are two very different words. I have been a student lately of my God showing me this. Many may already have figured this out, I am taking things in stride. Faith for me is the active part of my belief. Faith is following the promptings even when they don't make sense to me (such as writing this with no careful and thought out plan ahead of time). It is volunteering to lead a Life Group at church when I have not attended one yet because I felt the nudge. It is reaching out to a friend who is also still grieving because I am having a shit day and she turns out to be also. It is consciously lifting up specific people in my prayers to the loving hands of Jesus, who knows all they need. It is deciding to pray steadfastly for something I see my child struggling with at a young age and watching God work in wondrous ways.
Numero 2. Things get easier with practice. This happens whether we are learning a new instrument, speaking a new language, or doing things to take care of ourselves. Blah Blah, you have heard the saying about putting on our own "oxygen mask" before helping someone with theirs. Perhaps this is why God has allowed my back to need so much tlc lately. It is helping me make time for myself, which, trust me, is super important for this introvert. I am also reading more, getting back to this creative element for me with blogging, pedicures happen at least once a month and I am even fasting with intent for my health! Now, if this angry muscle in my arse would kindly work with me as we stretch so as to un-pin my sciatic nerve, I would kindly appreciate it. I will need to be practicing a lot of self-care, budgeting and timing to begin Pilates in the relatively near future I hear this does wonders for low back issues.
Numero 3. Time is precious. With the advent of my daughter starting first grade I had a few days of sadness over her changing and growing so quickly. I still long to have another baby to hold but that isn't possible these days. It all seemed to have happened so quickly with my sweet girl, it feels like yesterday when I wanted to puke up my guts hourly but was so in love at the same time. She has been asking a lot of questions about when she was in my tummy, when she was born and how we chose her name. My dear husband found the video camera and cards and hooked it up so we could watch all of those happenings. I have cried a bit each day over those memories - tears of gratitude, sadness and deep love.
I also have had almost two handfuls of dear friends lose a loved one in the last year or so. I am so grateful to those incredible individuals who gave of themselves to me in my grief, that I have been able to give to others in theirs.
Numero 4. I'd rather be in a process than on a journey. You know the saying that "life is not a destination it is a journey" . . . the image that comes to mind of me on my journey to date isn't a pretty one. It is me in a dry wasteland with cracked dirt on the ground and no water in sight. Nothing super metaphorical there, just that the novelty of the fun part of the journey wore off a LONG time ago. To be in a process sounds much more something I'd like to partake in. Possibly because one process may end and others will begin but it won't be one long freakin process, which is how I think of a journey.
Numero 4. I'd rather be in a process than on a journey. You know the saying that "life is not a destination it is a journey" . . . the image that comes to mind of me on my journey to date isn't a pretty one. It is me in a dry wasteland with cracked dirt on the ground and no water in sight. Nothing super metaphorical there, just that the novelty of the fun part of the journey wore off a LONG time ago. To be in a process sounds much more something I'd like to partake in. Possibly because one process may end and others will begin but it won't be one long freakin process, which is how I think of a journey.
