I apologize, to myself. I feel more alive this moment as I write, than I have in a loooooooong while.
I blinked a few times.
Years have gone by. Two and a half approximately.
Back surgery. Nov 1016
Mom's heart surgery. April 2017
Substitute teaching. 2018/2019
Transformed faith. Continuous.
Our most incredible family trip over Spring Break 2019.
Career switch. Summer 2019
40 lbs down! Entering 2020
I left out the gory sub-titles such as: space invaders, deepest low, turning 46, traumatic loss, and countless more.
This morning. It is freezing here in the desert, at 36 degrees F. The high is only 63 today. My sisters both laugh out loud when I complain about being "cold". They know it well, comparatively as they live in the Midwest. I miss them terribly. I have a Hallmark movie on in the background, our space heater is rolling through it's fireplace lights for ambiance and I feel the gentle, yet warm, breeze as it clicks on. I have furry blankets on my lap to lock in the warmth since I sent my two annoyingly adorable dogs back to their kennel after some lengthy snuggles already. The sun is coming up, and I hear my daughter bound out of bed to come downstairs. She wakes with such energy.
My daughter. My heart aches with love for her, such love these days. Our life is challenging with my recent career switch back to teaching. Yes, I know, I liken it to running back into a burning building. You're not supposed to do that. I did it. God is with me, I know it without a doubt. But, I want OUT. More than you can even imagine, It's not just that our state's education system is rotten, there is so much more to it. I feel an insurmountable desire to homeschool and pour into my kiddo and into our family. That desire has been there, many times in the past. I pushed it away for "reasonable" reasons, repeatedly. Maybe that's why God has brought me to where I am currently, because I needed to see it, to really SEE it by my experience. How timely, that I am reading about the Israelite's in the bible this week. God is funny!
Our two week break is over super soon. Like tomorrow. We go back to the grind on Monday. I am having anxiety, needless to say. I am so grateful to have had this break to make so many great memories in our family. We made some sugar and gingerbread cookies, from one of my favorite grain free cookbook authors, and they were actually scrumptious! Frosting them was a hoot! We visited a number of Christmas-y light displays and events, rode the Polar Express and almost got snowed in at our hotel. We made new ornaments for next year, spent time with family, watched movies and talked. Talking. Because of our adult work schedules, we don't see each other much so for all of us to be off for a few weeks provided many an opportunity to talk. It was really great.
Now, all of the holiday decor is put away. Well, except for the one lamp I see sitting in its box on the floor just feet away from me. Darn it. I wish I was feeling joy about this lump of hours ahead of me and excitement about returning to my routines next week. #adultingisreal #iwillpraiseHimineverything
